So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
