We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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