Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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