HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
