I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
