The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
