i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
