your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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