I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
