I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
