textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
A+ Viking dick
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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