good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The air was thick with penises
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
