Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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