I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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