hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
