I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
