mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Sext me about skeletons
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
