i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
