Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
