i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
