you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just forgot I was standing up.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
