I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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