so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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