why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
