i was rollin on her like bob the builder
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
