I want to stick my p in your. b.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
