I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
