nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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