why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
