my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
