So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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