I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
