I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
