i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
