why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
