was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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