If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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