the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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