I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
