We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
