so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
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