I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
