Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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