I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
