Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
