Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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