I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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