Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
