I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
