I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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