My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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